There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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