We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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