Is it because I queefed?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
