Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
