I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
