found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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