i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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