He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
