Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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