yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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