as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
