So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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