OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
