i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
