Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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