all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
