what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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