sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
