I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
