So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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