It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
