yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
