I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
