You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
