i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
