no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
