I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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