The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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