Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Also, beer. Big fan.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
