Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
