I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
