Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
