He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
