I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
