you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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