I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
