I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You're a disaster
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