Have you finally orgasmed yet?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
