if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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