i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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