its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
