i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
