She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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