Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
