i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
