I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
