the day after is always just damage control
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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