i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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