i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
