I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
