We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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