party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Quick, to the slutcave!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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