all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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