every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
