Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
