genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
