So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
