hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
