hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
