Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
