dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize