dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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