thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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