When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
