I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
