My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
