you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
