yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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