Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
