i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
