we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
