Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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