Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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