I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
