WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
