I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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