I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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