then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
