There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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