definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
