i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
