This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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