Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
