Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
