I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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