So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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