Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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