Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize