I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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