I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i think my cat just said my name.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize