Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
