i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
